![]() “The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.” - Joan Rivers There is only fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” - Johnny Carson “I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, 'Toys not included.'” - Bernard Manning “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” - Phyllis Diller That’s the true spirit of Christmas - people being helped by people other than me.” - Jerry Seinfeld “That’s what I love about the holiday season. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping." - Steven Wright "I bought my brother some gift wrap for Christmas. We're going to let her in." - Leslie Dawson, Jr. "My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt." - Dave Barry "Remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. I didn’t want to waste it so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it." - Demetri Martin, "Self" See, the paper I used said ‘Happy Birthday’ on it. "I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. Say 'em aloud when everyone needs to take a collective breather during the holiday festivities or write them as part of your Christmas greeting to send some laughs the old-fashioned way.Įither way, you - and all the special people in your life - will be ho-ho-ho-ing in no time. ![]() There’s nothing like a tone-deaf Michael Scott or cringey Dwight Schrute comment to give everyone a chuckle - along with a heaping dose of secondhand embarrassment.Īlthough you can always rely on gag gifts to bring the funny, a short Christmas quote from festive favorites like “ National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation“ or “Home Alone” will also do the trick. To help you sleigh all season long, we've gathered some hilarious one-liners from famous Christmas movies, TV shows and celebrities like Jerry Seinfeld and Phyllis Diller. While you can always bust out a Christmas joke or riddle to lighten everyone's spirits, these funny Christmas quotes will also get the job done (and then some). And if you're on the hunt for more holiday quotes to use on gift cards or gifts this season, look no further than our Best Christmas Bible Verses, holiday puns list and quotes from the movie Elf.Christmas brings the merry - and a fair share of stress.Īnd for that reason, a bit of comic relief is the best gift you can give during the holidays. Stuck for a good holiday instagram caption-these quotes have got you covered. Better yet, share these with a friend or your whole Christmas card list - they are the perfect addition to that photo card. We've gathered some of the best funny Christmas quotes and sayings so that not only can you take a moments pause from the gingerbread house decorating and the Christmas crafting to have a quick laugh. Something to take your mind off of the hustle and bustle and back on the joy, whimsy, and best of all humor that can be found during the holidays. If you're like so many of us, trying to juggle trying to make your own family holiday traditions against the litany of seasonal obligations-office parties, invitations to countless cookie exchanges, volunteer opportunities, and holiday productions-you are likely in need of a moment of levity. ![]() As Kevin's mom declares in the Christmas classic Home Alone, "This is Christmas! The season of perpetual hope!" we also know that Christmas can also be the season of perpetual stress! Not only are there different sides of the family to juggle and running around buying presents for everyone on your list, there is often an endless array of (often fun, but time-consuming) holiday activities to be a part of.
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